It's been quite the good weekend.
Of course I had to work on Saturday, as usual, I work from Tuesday to Saturday. But still, I was in a pretty good mood, even when my boss was so annoying in the beginning of the day.
I knew there would be some people coming over Saturday night and I even I was sort of feeling okay I wasn't really in the mood for a party, even though the thought of alcohol was quiet pleasant.
At first it was kinda lame but then time flew by and all of a sudden it was getting bright outside and it was almost 7 am. Crazy. I was pretty drunk but I'm glad I remember most of the night if not even everything.
Usually I would probably find something negative about this night or feel even worse afterwards but I really have to admit, it was a fucking great time. I had lots of laughter, no fake ones, great and even deep conversations, bonded even more with some of the people.
I used to drink to forget, to have a night of fun and knowing I will feel even worse the next day, and I used to do that every single weekend for like almost half a year. It was exhausting and freaking expensive, but it was my only escape in my opinion.
But that's no solution. It is no solution to use your friends as an excuse to drink or so you don't have to drink alone, to use them so you won't be alone but not at all see that they are actually there for you.
Some friends are just for partying, that's just how it is, you don't really meet with them for a coffee or dinner, you just see them on the weekends and everyone is fine with that. But even those people are giving their best to make this night a good night and I never really cherished them enough I guess.
Because some former friends of mine where more than mean to me I took a step back from all of my friends and now since I have F., the boyfriend, I got to know his friends and I feel like I put mine in the corner, like old toys. But I wish they know that I cherish and love them but that I can't really show it right now.
Anyway, this Saturday night made me smile. I was so glad that people were having fun at our house and that it was a success, even though the mess afterwards was big.
I want to try and learn to see the little moments in life more, the moments that fill your heart with this warm feeling for a bit, the moments when you think "I'm not alone".
Definitely a little more glitter than darkness.
xx
Lilly
